Woke up this morning and felt the need to write in my prayer journal on just how "Thankful" I am for how far I have come... and... the feeling I have during this time of the year. I needed to write on how thankful I was for my spirits being so high today! I remember when this time of the year I would find myself crying my eyes out from missing my sister so so much.
See, I know all over the world for so many people this time of the year is what we dread. We dread it because it really shows how empty, lost and lonely we truly feel. That feeling literally will make a person HATE the holidays! I understand all to well... mainly because it is a constant reminder of people that we lost in our lives and knowing that they physically are not here. Whether it is a mother, father, sister, brother, grandmother, significant other or cousin...that void that we feel during the holiday time sometimes can feel "unbearable".
Even though being around other people is suppose to help us, sometimes it actually makes the feeling worse! Being around family reminds us of them sooo much that we constantly find our selves *connecting eyes with the window while staring out at a tree* thinking " Mannn I remember when Momma used to...or it was so funny when my sister said... or I will never forget that time when Granny..." Even though those "memory" moments feel good when you are thinking them, once you snap out of the trance, reality hits our heart like a freight train..knowing that those were JUST memories and that they won't be there to share that feeling ever again!
Knowing that and Feeeeling that... Man it HURTS!!!!!!
But, Today I had one of those "memory" moments and once I snapped out of the trance, it didn't feel like a freight train... my heart felt different... it didn't feel cold, angry, and scared like I normally would feel. Instead, I felt anxious, excited, and at peace. THAT IS GOD!!!!! I recognize the feeling and I know that it is NOBODY but GOD that is allowing me to feel the peace in my spirit the way I do around this time, right now!!
For the 1st time, I am excited about enjoying the simple things in life and just being around family. I am anxious about creating new memories and new traditions. I am at peace with thinking about something my sister once said or did and laughing to myself saying "Girrrrrl you was crazy for that"...or... "Girrrrl I'm still laughing at what you did". I don't know what it is, but I have a feeling of wanting to be happy, wanting to laugh, and wanting to smile!
Creating new "positive" memories has become very important to me because I realized that these are the times that you don't get back...these are the times that matter the most! Sometimes all it takes is a good memory to make you "SMILE" or a good memory to make you "LAUGH" and that's what life should be about... Forcing and Pushing the Happy Feeling Out!
Through God, He will give us the peace we need in our spirit to be able to embrace the happy feeling during the holidays! Sometimes all it takes is a small thing like putting up decorations in your home that can bring life, love, joy, and happiness in your heart. See, I believe that happiness is for everyone.. not just people that seem to have everything going RIGHT in their life but it is also for the people that have lost their sense of hope due to their loss of whomever it may have been. For those people (myself included)... WE have to FIGHT a little harder for our happiness than others have to and WE have to PUSH a little longer for our happiness to show...BUT with us fighting, pushing and trusting God... at the end of the day Gods love will come into our heart and somehow make a smile appear that we thought we had "LOST" forever!
God has your smile waiting for you no matter how much the holiday season hurts! The more we focus on the simple things like creating memories, the more Happiness God will fill in our heart, the more Smiles God will put on our face, and the more Joy God will POUR into our Soul!
That's the GOD that I know and That's what GOD has done for "ME"