"The Defeated Feeling of... TIME"

December 2, 2016

 

You need to Practice what you Preach Shantia *says the little voice in my mind*.  I talk about using Prayer, Patience and a Smile all day, everyday... but when I get into a trouble spot in my own life I tend to start worrying like crazy!

 

For the past few days I have been an emotional wreck, yes I said "days" because since Monday my mind has been on an emotional roller coaster!! I found myself writing in my prayer journal like every 10 minutes... page after page was me.. "Pleading for HELP". I kid you not I spent almost all week writing and praying, praying and writing. My mind and heart was full of frustration, sadness and defeat. One emotion led to another emotion and the next feeling led to another feeling. All of them was hitting me all at one time!!!! I promise I wanted to just...

CRY and SCREEEEAM!!!!

One thing that had my mind a total disaster was my home..there was so much I needed to do but it seems like I never have enough hours in the day! So much that needs to be done, so much I want to accomplish, but everything just falls apart because I never seem to be able to manage my time good enough.

 

It's like if I try to get one task done then it delays me getting another task done, then by the time I get to the next task...its already way too late for me to do the next thing!  I just don't have a system in place that works for me! By the time I get home its already PITCH black outside, then I try to relieve my husband from Baby Karter so he can get some sleep for work, then I try to get dinner ready, then Baby Karter starts crying, then I have to STOP everything and sit down to feed him, then I have to go back to the kitchen to check on what ever it is I was cooking to make sure the house doesn't burn down, THEEEEN I have to try and keep Baby Karter quiet enough to not wake up the whole house, then blah blah blahhhhh...the list goes on and on and onnnn because at no point do I ever get to do what I didn't get a chance to do the previous day!  It's a cycle and I always seem to fall behind in some area! Being a wife, a mom, and a full time working woman is NOT an easy task especially when one is pulling your left arm, one is pulling your right arm and the other is pulling your leg...it all makes me want to just PULL my hair out string by string!!! As a wife there is soooo much I want to do for my husband that will make him happy, as a mom there is sooo much I want to do with Baby Karter that will make him happy and soooo much I want to do for our oldest son that will make him happy and every area...I am DEFEATED!!!

 

Have you ever felt like if something doesn't get done..You are to Blame... If something doesn't happen..You are to Blame! That's how I was feeling and I didn't know what to do to change it BUT pray. My prayer journal got some real live wear and tear this week because I had to ask God for guidance and some serious HELP!

Help me to be able to use my time wisely.

Help me to be thankful for what I do accomplish and not focus on what I don't. 

Help me to be okay with not having it all together.

Help me to not beat myself up for not being Super Wife and Super Mom but give myself a pat on the back for what I do do. 

Then, I finally found a sense of peace a few days later...The peace that God gave me was knowing that HE is my provider no matter what it may look like AND I am doing a JOB WELL DONE!! The peace that God gave me was to know that ONE DAY it will all get easier. The peace to know that every resource I need to make one task easier so that it will give me time to do another task will all come together! The peace to know that I prayed for the opportunity to be a wife, a mom, and a working woman and even though it doesn't feel like it..I am  succeeding in every role regardless if it is said or not! The peace to know that I am NOT alone and  God is working it all out and better days are ahead. And the peace to know that no matter what the odds may look like each day I am giving it my ALL with 100% love attached and God recognizes that!

 

So, yes this week has drove me crazier than a Mental Hospital that ran out of pills...BUT I am so proud to say because of God..I made it through and He will continue to see me through every new second, every new minute, every new day!! This week confirmed to me that with the Peace of God that surpasses all understanding....I WILL AND I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH!

 

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