Have you ever known you should have let God fight a battle, but you end up doing it on your own, and now God has to deal with YOU and the person he was going to fight for you in the first place? Well, that's what I'm facing today and I hate it because I knew better! I knew I should have just walked away, I knew I should have kept my cool, I knew I should have not responded and let God have his way!
To many times we saw the enemy getting ready to attack, we recognized the signs, we started to pray, we said to ourselves "I'm not even going to go there with you"... BUT when the actual FIRE came your words and actions didn't follow through on your original plan of just giving it to God and let HIM fight the battle for you! I am guilty of always putting my hand in it where God told me to STOP...STAND STILL..and know that I AM GOD!
I woke up pouring out my heart in my prayer journal this morning, from the feeling of I KNEW BETTER!! I saw the enemy riding in on his ugly attack horse, I recognized it and I called it out...I tried my best to keep my peace. Butttttt I still found myself letting my anger get ahead of me just to get my point across and heard. But, why did I do that?
Did I not trust that God would fix it? Did I not think that God was moving fast enough? How many times do we have a situation going on at work with a coworker, and we know that we shouldn't go back and forth with them but we do any way? How many times do we have a situation going on in our family and we should have just kept our mouth shut but we said how we was feeling anyway?
That's why even though originally I felt like I moved 3 steps forward by staying positive, walking in love, trusting God, and being obedient...I woke up this morning feeling like I failed God and now I'm pushed back 5 steps from what I progressed. I had to ask God for forgiveness for allowing my emotions to get the best of me. Too many times have I seen God work on my behalf in mid sentence while I'm still writing...too many times have I totally gave an issue to God and that person do a whole 360 change..not because of me BUT because God did something that I couldn't do. God can move in a persons spirit in a way that we can't. God can mend hearts and change attitudes in away that we can't.
So, even though I messed up yesterday. God convicted my heart and made me drop to my knees and ask for forgiveness because the battle was NOT mine it was the Lord's. Now, I have to put my words into action and Walk in Love. Gods love is pure and his heart is forgiving...I would't dare want to mess up the way God feels about me! See, when you know better you do better and I must Do better!! I'm totally surrendering myself and Give the fight to God...because I know that's the RIGHT thing to do!
The more I write in my prayer journal this morning, the more I feel a void lifting off of me! The more I want to put a smile on my face and let my actions speak for me! I can't ask God to forgive me and then still have an attitude. I cant ask God to forgive me and then still roll my eyes and walk around not talking. God wants us to walk in love, with the same kind of love that God has for us...even when we don't deserve to be loved. The grace and mercy God gives to us, we should give to others the same way. As, I write this I am talking to myself because God knows I always want to stay in his good grace!
Because of my prayer journal I feel sooooo much better now... and I know that everything will work out according to Gods perfect will!!
GOD I LOVE HOW YOU WIN EVERY TIMMME!!!!