Sitting here thinking about how "this time last year" was the moment that I made the decision to write my book... "this time last year" I realized that "Hey, I have a story to tell"...BUT...."This time last year" I literally only had 10 words typed, no real vision and no real strategy.
So, now that I am a full year into writing my book... I'm trying to figure out what has gotten me to the point where I feel STUCK! I have roughly about 12 chapters and 9 of them are already finished. Well, not like finished as in I'm ready to publish but finished as in I'm ready to turn in my 1st draft to start the editing process.
But, lately I have been feeling rather frustrated about the whole thing! One of my main issues is not knowing when I'm done.. (my goal is to get to 70,000 words and right now I am at 28,549) which is ALOT to me... BUT I have the feeling that if I turn it in now..the publisher is going to say "Girl, What is this? I need you to be for real and write MORE!". I keep thinking about what else do I need my readers to know..what else is going to help them...what else is going to change their life but it seems as though I have written everything that will come to my mind. So, Do I stop there with what I have and at least start the editing process or wait and keep trying to push more out?!?
Lately, I have been writing in my prayer journal asking for God to give me a clear sign to know when it is time for me to say "okay, let's move to phase 2 and get the entire manuscript edited". BUT, When I think about this next phase I am about to go into I sometimes feel like a little kid who has to sing in front of the whole school.. I don't want to get to the microphone, open my mouth and hear a loud screeeeeeeeech, then everybody laughs at me and throw tomatoes (yes I said tomatoes...you've seen those movies with tomatoes and all the juices splashed all over the stage...lol...don't acccct..lol)... So, I honestly think my biggest fear is REJECTION! Have you ever been afraid of REJECTION?
What if I'm not good enough?
What if they say NO?
What if nobody likes it?
You know sometimes WE can be our own biggest critique. WE can hold ourselves back from opportunities all because WE don't believe in our self first! How can we expect the world to say "YES" to us..when we constantly say "NO" on the inside?
NO, I need more..
NO, that's not what they want to hear..
NO, that doesn't sound right..
NO, it's not ready..
NO, wait for somebody else to do it first..
Being completely honest, I really need to work on my confidence! I'm holding on to my book because I want it to be sooo "perfect"... I want to be proud of my work (which is a natural feeling buuuuut...) what I realized is that my book doesn't have to be perfect for "ME" to be proud of it! BOOM! I'm already proud of it because my purpose for writing it is not FOR ME...but its for GOD to USE ME! Use my life, Use my trials, Use my hurt, Use my pain, Use my STORY to touch someone else! So, I'm not aiming for perfection..I'm aiming for "Lives to be changed, Souls to be renewed and Hearts to be rejuvenated" all because of MY BOOK! So, is my book going to be perfect to me "NO"...but...it is going to be Perfect to the eyes that need to read my story for a breakthrough..and THAT is where my "Fear of rejection stops and my confidence kicks in!".
I was looking at Steve Harvey's new book called "Jump" and I realized that's exactly what I need to do... I need to stop just looking at the Double Dutch ropes going around and around and around because I don't want to get tangled in between (fear of rejection)... I need to at some point actually make the official jump, pray and Trust God. When I do... I know that God is going to help me every step of the way... I know that with God I am going to be able to "JUMP" through the ropes so good that I am going to be thinking to myself "Girrl..why didn't I do this earlier..."
So, with just 1 more day before 2017 rolls in I write in my prayer journal that my only goal for 2017 is to "Finish the Walk of Faith that I started in 2016" but NOW that Walk of Faith is going to be BOLD gigantic steps...I am speaking that the...
"Fear of Rejection STOPS and Confidence Kicks IN"