The time I spend with Baby Karter means more to me than any one probably realizes. It's more than just enjoying this new role I have as a Mommy but its also a time for me to remember my sister and how everything I am experiencing with my baby she experienced with hers. The late night cuddles, the diaper changing, the spit ups that shoot wayyy past the towel I had over my clothes (which I really think Karter does this on purpose and gets a real kick out of it), the cry of just wanting to be picked up, and the big eyed expression of seeing mommy and daddy walk in the room. All of it is Priceless! It's the new things I constantly see him do that puts a smile on my face! My sister experienced all of the many 1sts with her son... like the first smile, the first laugh, the first thanksgiving, the first step, the first Christmas and the first birthday...which I am grateful that she was able to do! We have so many pictures of her with my nephew as a baby that shows pure love and excitement and something inside of me just knows that what she felt during that time is all what I am feeling now!
I lost my sister when Ahmad (my nephew) was only 18 months old...so to hold my baby in my arms every night I just couldn't imagine not being here to see him grow up. When I think about that thought alone, it really makes me sad... but what brings me joy in my heart is knowing that my nephew remembers his mommy! As a family we make sure that he sees plenty of pictures and videos and we keep her name alive. I will never forget this one time... alonnnnnng time ago, I showed Ahmad a picture of himself and before I could say anything he said "that's my room"..it caught me off guard because I hadn't even said anything yet and he knew right off the top...that was his baby room. Seemed like he remembered the football, basketball, and baseball border, his name spelled out on his door, and his learning charts with his alphabets and numbers on the wall. Honestly, I don't know if he remembers it or if he is just smart enough to put two and two together to say its his room, buttttt whatever it may be it felt so good that I heard him say that!
Going back thinking about that made me want to write in my prayer journal the other day just Thanking God for TIME!
Time to be here on this earth and Time to spend with my baby! Sometimes I just hold him and say 'Thank You God" over and over and over! I never really knew or understood how much a baby can change a persons life... but for me it has done a complete 360...
How I feel on the inside?
How I view life?
How I value time?
How I yearn to create memories?
How I appreciate family?
All of that came from my experience with birthing my son! I can't wait to sit back and grab my old prayer journals and re-read some of the things I wrote when I was pregnant. I was sooooo nervous from the beginning to the end..about EVERYTHING possible to be nervous about!
Funny how all the things that I once was worried about and scared of all turned out to be the "best experience" of my life!
When I think about that... it makes me wonder what else in my life that I am worried, nervous and scared of... will be a LIFE CHANGER for me in the future. Have you ever just thought back on all the things God helped you through that you thought would kill you for sure? Have you ever thought back on all the times you were nervous about a situation and then it turned out not to be so bad after all? See, that's what I love about my prayer journal...I don't have to try and remember what God did for me..I have it all written down! I have it written when I was scared, I have it written when I didn't know what to do, I have it written when I asked for help and I have it written when God showed up and showed out!
The more I think about how grateful I am for the TIME I have with Baby Karter, the more I realize just how grateful I am for the TIME I spend writing in my prayer journal and just how much I truly value my prayer life! Expressing my feeling, thoughts, fears, and joys to God is not only for me to connect with God on a whole new level but it is also evidence of my growth, maturity, and wisdom. I am walking in my sisters footsteps as a new mommy and I take my new role very serious as I learn and develop to be the best that I can be!
As I grow daily as a Mommy, I know that my prayer journal will capture every moment!