OMG! Yesterday was soooooo nerve wrecking to me! I did something that completely had me scared out of my mind! No, it wasn't anything that was crazy life threatening...it was just something that I had been praying about and finally got the urge to do it...
I finally finished my manuscript!
Yaaaaay Me! I finally wrote everything that was deep down in my heart! It took a little over a year for me to complete this and I had several set backs, disappointments, stalls, breaks and bumps in the road in the process. *sigh* Boy Oh Boy, the process was nothing nice! I remember at one point I stopped writing for 4 whole months because I didn't have the motivation. I felt as though my life was in a total wreck, there was no way that I could tell someone else about Life when I felt like mine was going no where fast. But even through those emotional roller-coasters, God still had something on the inside tugging me to continue. Have you ever felt like life was swallowing you up whole? Just like, Life was eating you alive, with no escape route and no one there to hear you scream! That's how I felt. Everything that was suppose to be good...was bad! Everything that was suppose to be positive...was negative! Everything that was suppose to bring me happiness...ended in me sad and depressed! But, through it all God still had something on the inside tugging at me to continue!
I realized that something had to change and it started with me! Day by day I started to find ways to build myself up, focus on living my life to the fullest, focus on the bigger picture that God so desperately wanted me to see. Months and Months passed and I started gaining more confidence in my writing, my vision started to be clearer and my purpose was real and evident. Something hit me and I realized that "I was sitting on my breakthrough!" I was procrastinating with God's masterpiece. I was praying for something that God had already given to me..it was just ME who was delaying the power inside of the gift that I already had.
So, a few months ago, I went through my book and re-read it as if I was a reader and I was left speechless...I thought to myself "Mannn this is some good stuff!"... and I continued to type. The more I typed the more I felt like I was getting closer to the finish line. The more I typed I totally forgot about trying to get to a certain number in my word count. Whatever my word count was once I said everything that I needed to say was the magic number, NOT what I wanted the ending number to be...At that moment, I took all the constraints off of my manuscript and just let God flow!
So, yesterday I said a prayer and reached out to the publishing company to see if I could turn in my final draft. Before I pressed send, with my finger on the mouse, I closed my eyes and said a quick prayer:
God, let this be the start of an amazing experience. I will walk in confidence with my work and be proud of it no matter what anyone else thinks. I believe that my story will change lives and help people all over the world. So, Help me walk in my purpose and not second guess my gifts, talents or abilities. I have a purpose driven life and In the name of Jesus I will take this JUMP"
... then I pressed SEND!
It was gone, It was sent, It was DONE!!
Lawwwwwwwwd! What did I just do?
My mind was racing but my spirit was calm...
I'm taking a leap of Faith...that's what I just did.
I am stepping with my left foot and trusting that God will step with my right foot...that's what I just did.
I am sharing my story with the world, so one woman and one man will read it and feel empowered because of it... that's what I just did.
I am taking the shackles and chains off of the bondage and struggle that the devil has had on my life because of fear and low self esteem... that's what I just did.
There is no turning back now, only forward! With all the nervousness, butterflies and mind racing feelings I had... I actually DID IT! I have never experienced this before ...this is all new...BUT I know how God works and now the ball is in his court. Nothing is impossible, Nothing is out of his reach, Nothing is too hard, Nothing is too difficult and Nothing is far fetched. When God puts his hand on it.. EVERYTHING immediately turns into GOLD!
Whatever I want to come out of writing this book God is about to QUADRUPLE that "dream" and then TRIPLE that "dreams...dream" and then SUPER SIZE that "dreams... dream... dream". My one little vision has the POWER to Change everything I ever thought that life could offer...
With everything, I reverence God in it...with everything, I see God working, with everything I see God showing favor, grace and mercy and with Everything God is about to BLOW MY MIND!