As I wrote in my prayer journal last night, I started to think about how God has been speaking to me through my spirit in different ways and through different people these past few weeks. I have always told myself that I never ever want to get so comfortable in doing what I am doing... day after day after day... that I can't recognize when God is telling me it's time for a "SHIFT"...
Since 2012, I have been using my prayer journals as a way of connecting with God and developing a personal relationship with Him. Through those years, I have grown and matured in ways that I would have never imagined all because of my good ole prayer journal. If anybody would ask me about it..I can easily and boldly talk about how I write, when I write, where I write and what made me start writing. But lately, God has been speaking to my spirit saying "Shantia, I want MORE!"
I have always admired the people who I would consider to be a "Prayer Warrior". The person who is not afraid to pray in front of people, the person who stops whatever they are doing to pray for a situation if God directs them too, the person who speaks clearly and boldly and is able to quote scriptures without stumbling, the person who speaks with so much power and anointing that Christ exudes through them effortlessly...That person.... That "Prayer Warrior" is who I have always wanted to be. But, when I look at myself I see a child of God that is still in the beginning stage. I am what you would call a "baby private beginner prayer Indian" ...meaning that I have some serious growing and developing to do in my walk with Christ before I can even be close to being a BIG TIME Warrior or so I thought.
But, God has been speaking to my spirit and I know it's him because I got chills and a warm tingling sensation in my gut just out of the blue... It was God telling me to:
"STOP and OPEN your EYES...Shantia, you are NOT a beginner any more...you have blossomed without even knowing it."
See, I guess it was that...others could see my blossom but I couldn't, it was like I had blinders on. Have you ever felt like you had blinders over your eyes and for years it seems like you were just going along with the flow, until one day, you hit something (BOOM!) and you take your blinders off and realize that you have made it to your destination (YAY!)...but only to find out that NOW...God has placed a NEW path in front of you that HE needs you to pay close attention too and start this NEW journey with wisdom that you didn't have in the path before, with confidence that you didn't have before, with maturity that you didn't have before and with a clear VISION that before you had blinders too?
I didn't quite understand what God was asking of me, It didn't quite click.Until, I took my blinders OFF and saw that He sent PEOPLE to speak his words into me... This past week I have been told:
"Shantia you think you are not ready to speak in front of people but You are...I am sitting here listening to you and every time you talk it draws me in...You speak with so much passion and authority...it's like people do not have a choice but to stop and listen."
I have been told...
"Shantia you have a calling on your life, Don't sit on your gift! Ask God to show you what you need to do, ask God to show you how to prepare for it, ask God to show you how to get out of your own way... Say YES to his will and his way because HE wants to USE you."
That is what God has said to me through the words of other people and because I love God sooooo much I am listening to him and I will take ACTION! God has put in my spirit and told me to STOP making excuses, STOP telling yourself that your biggest Fear is speaking, STOP saying that all you know how to do is write, STOP allowing yourself to be satisfied with just what you do best, STOP allowing yourself to get to a certain point in Prayer then quit...STOP allowing yourself to get happy with writing in your prayer journal but then don't do anything else to grow deeper.
God gave me the business, I mean a real reality check...because for years I have always made the excuse of me having a speech impediment (stuttering) as a reason why I wouldn't be good at talking in front of people..then God said to me...
"Well guess what miss thang, Moses had that same problem and I STILL used him... What's your NEXT excuse?"
Then I made the excuse of not using correct grammar when I talk. I mean, sometimes I use correct grammar but then sometimes I don't and I always second guess myself by saying..."is it...have, has or had"... "is it... she and I, me and her, or her and I"...so to eliminate the fear of being embarrassed or somebody correcting me all snooody and making me feel STUPID I just said "Nope, I'm not talking!!".
Then I made the excuse of not knowing scriptures and how to recite them when I'm talking or praying. I mean, I may know like 3 or 4 but I will totally rearrange the words and say part of it but not all of it and then I have no earthly idea of where it is in the bible...(Hey! I just know it's in there)
So, NOW God is telling me...
"Shantia, I want to USE YOU...I Need to USE YOU... you are NOT a beginner, you are NOT a baby...You are my CHOSEN ONE! So, You need to start ACTING like it... You know what to do when you don't feel comfortable or confident about something... You Research, you Read, you ask questions, you COME TO ME for HELP and like always... I ALWAYS give you just what you need for SUCCESS..every excuse you made... DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!
Remember, when you were pregnant, crying and all confused ready to pull your hair out because you didn't know if you should change from a doctor to a midwife BUT I told you... what to read, what questions to ask, where to call, what videos to watch and NOW you are something like a pro and had the BEST experience of your life, right?!
Well, why do you think I will leave you NOW? huh.. huh.. huh...?!?"
Man, what a Reality Check! (felt like I just got a whooping) But, that reality check was much needed! I tell you this from the deepest part of my soul... I am excited about this new journey God is taking me on and I am excited about digging deeper into my core and pulling out every POWERFUL thing that has been growing inside of me... I know with me even just listening to my spirit and NOT running away that THIS is what God is telling me to do!
I am preparing myself for this NEW Journey of God USING me for His Glory and I am Coming into this thing with FULL FORCE!!!
God, I officially say "YES" to your Call...Let's GO!!!