Have you ever been in an uncomfortable place in your life? I mean that uncomfortable place of feeling just totally out of wack of what you are really suppose to be doing with your life. It's not fully at depression but it's like inches away from it, where you just feel completely defeated. That feeling is what I call the "sunken place."
For the past few weeks I have been in that sunken place and I hate it. Night after night I write in my prayer journal and I ask God to help me! I know that He can see me in this discouraged and frustrated state of mind and I know that He knows that this is not like me! Deep down inside I know that I am stronger than this, but why do I feel so weak? Deep down I know what to do to snap out of this, but why can't I tap into it? Normally, I can listen to sermons and they completely rejuvenate my spirit, but what's so different about now?
Lately, I can listen to a sermon at night and afterwards I tell myself "Shantia you can do this! Tomorrow is a brand new day! Get up and start fresh! Walk by Faith and don't give up! You Got this." I go to sleep ready to give this thing called life yet another chance, but then sadly reality hits me all over again! Then, I'm back into the sunken place.
The more I think about my life and what I am going through I keep screaming for Jesus to help me! I feel like I have lost my drive, my passion and my purpose! Before, I became unemployed. I had a job that I was comfortable with. It wasn't my dream job, I wasn't passionate about it but I was comfortable. I received a paycheck every Friday and I didn't have to bring any work home, it was like once I clocked out I was done. I worked there for 6 years and for 5 and a half of those years I hated it! I dreamed of the day I would get another job, I dreamed of the day that it would be my last day driving to the building, I dreamed of the day I would be FREE! I constantly, for years prayed to God for a BREAKTHROUGH! Then, BOOM! God gave me the Breakthrough! But not knowing that the "Breakthrough would take me into the Uncomfortable Place". Originally I was hurt, angry and scared when I found out that my employer sold the company and we all would be out of a job. I was angry because it was completely the wrong timing! My thoughts were "What are we going to do, we have a family and absolutely nothing saved up for hard times!" But then that anger turned into pure JOY and I was excited about CHANGE! Finally, God had given me the breakthrough I always wanted. August 21st was my last day driving to the building, It was my last day walking up the steps and into my office and on that last day I was Happy and felt FREE! I felt like now I can give 100% of my time and energy into my dream and my Purpose in life! So what happened..
Fast forward two months later and I am totally losing my mind! The self motivation I had feels like it is gone! The feeling of being FREE now makes me feel like a burden to my spouse! The constant encouragement I always had to give to my peers seems to have all dried up! I used to stay up to the early morning hours writing, creating, designing new material, coming up with new ideas, taking webinars and classes to learn more about the industry in which I knew my purpose was connected to. But something has changed!
The other night I listened to a sermon by Bishop TD Jakes called "SOAR: Hatching Greatness" and it really touched my spirit. One part of the message stated that:
"There is something God is hatching by the circumstances around you"
"Until the thing that is on the inside gets harder than the thing on the outside there will be no breakthrough."
So that made me think! Did that mean that the Breakthrough God gave me was only half, and the other part is on the INSIDE of me?
So I made a decision that night that it is time for me to work on my inside! Working on my inside is Praying without ceasing, praising God in the midst of the storm, Speaking the Word of God out of my mouth and over every single part of my life, Speaking with Authority over my circumstances, speaking to these negative spirits of defeat and frustration and loosing the POWER of Jesus Christ over my mind! I am stronger than I look so I got to PUSH what I have on the inside OUT!
I started on October 30, 2017... I started changing my routine. My body wakes up at 4:30am naturally but instead of getting up to straighten up the house I get on my prayer pillows and PRAY! I pray and pray and pray! I pray and ask God "To lead the way, show me how to break out of this sunken place! Your word says in Hebrew 13:5 that you will never leave me nor forsake me so I ask that you make me whole again! Renew my strength! Let me run and not be weary, let me walk and not faint Isaiah 40:31. I stand on your WORD God and I know That YOU WILL HELP ME! I bind up depression, I bind up defeat, I bind up lack, I bind up struggle and I loose prosperity, perseverance, passion and excitement, In the name of Jesus."
See what I learned is that "Greatness unhatched is uncomfortable"... When things were all good, I was comfortable with following my dreams. But now it seems God has stripped me out of my comfortable place to see how far I will go to Trust Him wholeheartedly and the process to fulfill my God given purpose. When Breakthrough meets Uncomfortability it is scary! But I know that God would not put more on me than I can bear and because I am STRONG in my mind and spirit, everything that is hidden on the inside of me is about to Prosper right before my eyes! The other half of my BREAKTHROUGH is literally about to BREAK---- THROUGH!